Hey, the anaconda didn’t want none. Even if the naturalist is smeared in pig’s blood and baiting the snake to eat him alive. The Discovery Channel special, Eaten Alive, has fans of the network accusing it of false marketing. Somewhere, even Darwin is letting out a ‘wtf?’

Last night, the Discovery Channel stole two hours of your life you’re never getting back. Like a lazier scene out of Gladiator, the mob has taken to social media to voice their displeasure. We were promised a man would be swallowed by a snake, so damn it, where’s the swallowing?

What bored viewers were treated to was the build up, and Paul Rosolie letting the 20ft, 250-pound anaconda constrict around them. Here’s how Eaten Alive ended.

“My arm’s torquing, this thing’s going to break” Rosolie croaked as the 20-foot, 250-pound Peruvian green anaconda constricted around his body.

“I’m calling it! I need help!” he shouted. “Somebody come!”

Today, a naturalist learns that anacondas constrict to break bones around its prey. Yeah, he should have wikipedia’d that little fact nugget before signing on. It gets better though.

The whole special about finding a snake? Complete BS. The snake used was one they had in captivity. Have to fill up those two hours somehow. They did keep in touch with the snake for a few weeks after, making sure the it returned to normal. I’m pretty sure it’s going to break your legs next time Rosolie.

Twitter was in exceptional form last night, eating the show alive for its false promises. Here’s one of the best.

In defense of the show, Rosolie compares it to Nik Wallenda’s specials. He says those are about the attempt of a tight-rope across a skyline or canyons. Not the promise he’s going to do it. True, but Nik Wallenda didn’t tap out after an anaconda arm bars you.

Golf clap, Discovery. Sunday needs to be filled with better entertainment options. NFL or random Discovery Channel specials. When the hell is Game of Thrones back on?


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