Pop quiz. You have a choice between the zombie horde or listening to the craziness Ted Turner picked out to mark the end of the world. What do you do? Easy, you take your chances with the zombies.

Thirty-four years ago, CNN launched the first 24-hour cable news network, and forever made us cynical and generally depressed. Ted Turner proudly proclaimed that CNN would stay of the air forever. “Barring satellite problems, we won’t be signing off until the world ends.”

He was right. Never had there been a channel to fill the air with so much nothing. At least Fox News has their special brand of crazy. And just in case the apocalypse happens, the last employee breathing has a final responsibility. “We’ll be on, and we will cover the end of the world, live, and that will be our last event. We’ll play the National Anthem only one time, on the first of June [the day CNN launched], and when the end of the world comes, we’ll play ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ before we sign off.”

I wonder if they fact check before playing the video? If so, they need a panel of guests to debate what this means for the next election. Bust out the magic wall one more time.

The good news? If it’s Don Lemon, he can legitimately ask if we are getting sucked into a black hole.

The bad news? It’s in standard definition, with a 4:3 aspect ration. The last thing you will see on Earth will look terrible. Fitting it is from CNN.

If this doesn’t prove Ted Turner is a bit off, nothing will. If I’m going out with a bang with something from the 1980s, crank up the AC/DC. What’s your apocalypse anthem?


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