Have $20,000 that you don’t want? I’d say donate it to the Marcus fund, but it’s not tax deductible. Sorry, I try to stay off the IRS radar. I have an even bigger waste of money for you. A hoverboard.

Wait… How is a hoverboard a waste of money? Because everything we’ve seen is a marketing stunt. And you know the chopped down scooter you bought on a whim for Christmas? That’s not a hoverboard for the last time, and it’s even dumber than that.

Meet the ArcaBoard. The next attempt at convincing us hoverboard technology is real. Nice. The name is a bit much, but show me something ArcaSpace.

Holy shit, it’s an inflatable bed. Arca, wrong market fellas. You just invented an inflatable bed that doesn’t leave me on the floor by morning. It’s the dream. Freedom from the slow leaks. Freedom from back pain. Umm, freedom from other stuff.

Yeah, just because everyone watches Jony Ive talk doesn’t mean you should emulate him for your hoverboard. The guy is British. We listen for that alone. I know Apple didn’t invent aluminum. I just nod my head at the pretty pictures and melodic voice and drop $800 on a phone designed to fall out of your pocket.

ArcaBoard hoverboard

Let’s pretend this isn’t a class action lawsuit waiting to happen and the ArcaSpace hoverboard is real. What do you get for $20000?

A rather suspect looking platform that has 36 high power electric fans to deliver 272 horsepower and a max thrust of 430 pounds. According to the company it’s “enough to propel you across land, water, snow or ice.”

Mmhmm… What about control?

It has a built-in stabilization unit, meaning that ArcaBoard is stable in any condition and is a very safe platform to fly on. You will be able to utilize your phone for control and navigation of the vehicle itself. But for the most intense experience, you can turn off the stabilization system and steer the ArcaBoard with your body.

Can we have something new that doesn’t involve my damn phone? It was cool to see how lazy I could be. Now? It’s mildly disturbing we are using Wall-E as a template for the future.

Hoverboard Vaporware

When can you order? April 15, 2016. Hey, tax day. I won’t be getting my billions back, and you probably won’t be getting a hoverboard. But, if you want to chuck $20000 out the window, it’s a free country.

For one, even if it’s real, do you want a floating mattress? Don’t answer that. Phrasing it like that makes me want one.

Definitely worth checking Arca just to see it. But $20000? Yeah, I’ll need more than Arca pillaging Lowe’s of battery powered fans and taping them to a mattress.

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