I think someone has too many damn thetans or whatever the bad ‘energy’ is in Scientology. The New York Times discovered they should have really had a camera in the room for their interview with Jaden and Willow Smith. In what was supposed to be an interview on their music and acting careers, instead had to be one of the most meandering interviews this year.

The interview was a representation of what happens when teenagers try to go full Socrates. Everything from the fact time doesn’t exist to duality of self and apples. I didn’t say this would make sense, just that they said it.

First up was the Sarah Palin softball. What are you reading? Remember, these kids 16 and 14 respectively.

WILLOW: Quantum physics. Osho.

JADEN: “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life” and ancient texts; things that can’t be pre-dated.

Ok, the artist behind Whip My Hair is reading physics and practicing mysticism. Why not? Karate Kid is enjoying the ancient texts of whatever can’t be pre-dated. I sense a book club in the making. Audible by the Smith family.

Next up has to be the question on time.

“I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist,” Willow said.

“It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds,” Jaden said.

So, time doesn’t exist. So your parents have had plastic surgery to fight off what again? Aging. Which proves they don’t have the skills of their kids to slow it the hell down. Or maybe those wrinkles weren’t self-aware.

Then came the education question.

JADEN: Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real. Our learning will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to.

WILLOW: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed.

JADEN: Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.

WILLOW: They never want to do anything, they’re so tired.

JADEN: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up? I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.

You definitely need to check the interview out. I’m pretty sure the interviewer, Su Wu, was about two questions from getting a response along the lines of: ‘Magnets, how do they work?’

If you’re interested, Willow’s album ‘3’ and Jaden’s ‘Cool Tapes 2’ are both on iTunes. Jaden’s album also comes with a companion app, the Jaden Experience. Should be a trip.

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