It happens to the best of us. You see the not-a-hoverboard, and it’s cool until it either catches on fire or you snap an ankle. Probably both. May as well hit your max out-of-pocket expense on your health plan. Thanks Obama.

Segway was before its time. It didn’t realize millions wanted what isn’t a damn hoverboard, but a self-balancing scooter without the handlebars. Safety? What’s that? I have Instagram videos to make.

Thankfully, Segway has gotten its priorities in line and has released the Segway miniPRO. Everything has to have Pro in its name these days. Slap pro at the end and it’s a Mad Men moment.

Segway Still Talking Personal Transport

You have to credit Segway. They are quick to point out the miniPRO isn’t a hoverboard. No, it the next step in the evolution of personal transport. Easy fellas, you didn’t invent interstellar travel.

Powered by Ninebot technology, the miniPRO is a hands-free, electric scooter. Top speed? You’ll be ridin’ into Starbucks at a brisk 10 mph. Range? 14 miles depending on the rider’s weight and ‘road’ conditions. That’s a polite way of saying maybe skip the triple venti milkshake we call coffee.

segway minPRO in black

Night riding? Safety first with the Segway miniPRO. Integrated LED lights will make you an easier target for actual cars.

Lazy? There’s an app for you. The Bluetooth enabled companion app features a range of anti-theft features, but it’s the remote control function that is awesome. Why get off the couch to grab your personal transport? Nah, pilot it from the app and bring it to you. ‘Merica.

Yeah, that’s incredibly lazy. I kinda want one.

In a departure from the ‘hoverboards’ you buy now, the miniPRO features 10.5’ pneumatic, air-filled tires. The chassis promises Military-grade shock resistance. Yeah, the roads and sidewalks are that bad.

Controlling the scooter is an integrated knee bar. It gives the Segway more stability and allows you to make turns without ending up in the ER. Win-win.

Price? $999 exclusively at Amazon. It’s expensive, but can you put a price on something not catching fire and destroying your rec league basketball season?

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