Ah yes, Walmart. The scene of so many stupid criminal stories, it should be used for reality TV. A woman from Seneca Falls, NY was arrested and charged with Felony DWI and Felony Aggravated DWI. So, was she turning up the vodka? Some moonshine? Hell, a few packs of Zima?

No to all three. She drank two bottles of vanilla extract. Yes, the same vanilla extract you use to make Bisquick edible. Carolyn Kessel, 46, was spotted driving erratically around a Walmart parking lot and was stopped.

Her reason for meandering around the parking lot? According to the police, she said she couldn’t find a way out. I guess vanilla extract will get you completely hammered. Her blood alcohol content was measured at .26%, more than three times the legal limit.

Before you raid Costco for vanilla extract, use some common sense. Your typical bottle contains 41 percent alcohol, roughly on the same level as vodka. The intrepid reporters at the Times of Wayne County decided to have other extracts tested.

“We found out that things like orange extract and peppermint extract are up to 89 percent alcohol. That’s 160 proof plus, that’s far more than you can even find in even a liquor store.”

That’s just great. Something else to be carded for at the store. Trying to make a pie and get your ID checked. Thanks a ton Ms. Kessel. High school kids now have their insanely cheap drink.

With her two charges, and a prior DWI conviction, she’s looking at a hefty fine and punishment. Her bail was set at $10,000 cash or $20,000 bond.

The good news? She did manage to get out of the Walmart parking lot. Small victories.

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