How do you know when your life is a stereotype? Living in Alabama, you can count on two constants. First? Our college football teams will kick your team’s ass every day of the week and twice on Saturday.

Two? You wake up one morning to a stray donkey in your yard. Not a dog or a cat. A donkey.

Microsoft is out with another AI garage app for the iPhone. Can it guess the breed of your dog based on a picture? I’ll get to my mini humans in a minute, but first, let’s redneck this up a bit.

Microsoft Fetch! and Fred the Donkey

Microsoft is showing off its AI technology by releasing oddball apps to get people talking. It’s meant for dogs? That must mean I have to take a picture of a cat. Or in my case, a donkey.

donkey and fetch app

Hmmm, Bluetick Coonhound, huh? It followed its nose to the house with absolutely zero farming ability. Well, there was the time my parents thought we were farmers in high school and planted eight giant rows of potatoes. Why? We’re sure as hell not Irish, so I’m at a loss.

What ever happened to Fred? Animal control had to call in a mounted unit to help deal with the problem. After I went around the neighborhood having to ask if someone lost a donkey.

Most people ask for a cup of sugar. Me? Hey, sorry to bother you, but did you lose a donkey? That’s when you know despite the college education, lack of camo in your closet and cheap beer, you are country.

Fetch! and a Cat

I’ll get the dogs, but my cat looked stoned in a window this morning, so why not?

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august and the fetch app

Yeah, she looks busy. August does have the intelligence to run the house, so Microsoft gets a partial winner.

Fetch! Nabs Two Border Collies

The Border Collie life. Our two mini humans wrapped in fur. If you use the app as it’s intended, it nails the outcome. Lightning?

lightning and fetch

99% Grade A border buddy. He’s only mildly nuts. He does have the intense stare down. Especially when you pull out a camera.

lightning

And finally, the Thundering Herd.

thunder and fetch app

That’s the man. Can a dog have manners? If so, he’s an English gentleman. He hasn’t met a stranger he doesn’t love. How can you not love this guy?

microsoft fetch app

Fetch! vs Jeb!

Don’t put an exclamation point in the name and I won’t think of the trainwreck known as the GOP presidential nomination process.

jeb bush and fetch app

Well, that’s damn perfection. Personable with his family. He did call his mom to try and save face in NH. Is it me, or is Jeb the type that has his mom come to school and explain why he can’t participate in P.E. class?

Don’t worry, I didn’t forget the pit bull with a hair piece.

donald trump and fetch app

Stubborn nails it. Friendly? I don’t know about that, but he loves everyone and wants America to be great again. Oh and beautiful walls. With a big, beautiful door. And lots of winning.

Fetch! and a Valentine’s Day PSA

You think you’re being cute. Don’t give into the temptation. It will only be fun if she like the breed that pops up. Do you want to take that coin flip? Nah, it’s not worth it. Buy the flowers and jewelry. Take pictures of animals and yourself. But your girlfriend or wife? Hell no.

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Well done Microsoft. How the hell you went from tech punchline to the fun loving company eludes me, but it’s nice to see. You can download the app via the Apple App Store. Sorry Android. Your consolation is an evil alarm clock.

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