Always wanted an Alfred? I’m torn between having the Segway sound like Michael Caine or Jeremy Irons. Both voices are iconic. Screw it, I want both.

Let’s stroll down memory lane first. In 2001, yeah we’re getting old, the Segway was introduced to I think what we called great fanfare. It would be bigger than the Internet according to some. Umm, no.

It changed how lazy tourists get around and offered up two Paul Blart Mall Cop movies from Kevin James. Are we supposed to thank Segway for this? Poor company. All they had to do was chop the handle off and call it a hoverboard. Instant millions.

Today, the Segway pivots. Or rocks back. Meet the Segway Advanced Personal Robot. A collaboration between Segway, Intel and Xiaomi, the new Segway goes all transformer on you without the guilt of Michael Bay.

Segway announces robot butler

Step off the Segway and it transforms into a semi-autonomous robot that follows you around. It can carry your stuff, answer doors and acts as your newfound friend. It makes casting for Paul Blart 3 easier. It’s a joke Hollywood. Please don’t.

How about an announcement video?

My two border collies? They won’t like it. It’s a toss up between them retreating or teaming up to dismantle it. Paint it UPS brown, and Lightning will have no issues ripping it to shreds.

Moving forward, Segway wants to open the system up to developers. The software will be developed to increase its response to voice commands, better depth sensors and new hardware. The company wants to add interchangeable arms to make it more useful.

Segway miniPRO Reminds Us It Was the OG

Now we are talking. A dedicated robot butler. Will it work? The technology is getting there and maybe one day I can have an army of Segways attacking household chores. Let me have my dream.

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